Your SOFFA Voice logo Advertise your Group or Business on TG Crossroads!!!
TG Crossroads Home Latest Issues Back Issues Submissions Contact the Editor
Latest Issue: Volume 5, Issue 1
Your SOFFA Voice - a newsletter for the rest of us

FROM THE BROTHERS Confessions of an FTM Feminist

Featured Articles


True Spirit 2002

Personal Stories
Latest Rant

Transgender Parenting

Submit Your Article Now!

Support TG Crossroads - Shop Now!


family, and

of trans communities everywhere

Latest Rant


Clear the way, I've had enough. Enough of people telling me how I should feel as a partner of a transman. First of all, I'm not the partner of a transman, really. I'm the wife of a guy. A man. He's not trans anymore. And it's no suspension of disbelief to look at him and think anything else. Female to Male, period. That's the way it goes. He's moved to male and that's the end of it, okay? Yes, he has some highly individualized issues that most XY men don't have to deal with, but it's nothing that the general public would ever notice nor need to know.

Don't give me all of this crap about how a lesbian partner is just expressing her feelings and concerns at the beginning of transition. Bullshit. She fell in love with a dyke and she wants it to stay that way, no matter what's said, all laced in delicate flowers and filmy rainbows. And she will do just about anything she can to keep it that way. Yes, she may change her mind...AFTER she's left you. And don't hand me this bullshit about partners transitioning, too. Whatever. "No one understands the fact that I'm transitioning too!" No, you're not. You're thinking about someone else (maybe) and adjusting for the first time in your miserable little high-handed lesbian life. And boy, doesn't that just suck to have to think about someone else for a change? What the fuck ever. I'm sick of it. Sick of hearing all the whining, the contradictory statements, the victim mentality, the passive-aggressive 'support' that's given so freely.

Why can't sie just be happy the way sie is? After all, I am.

Why can't a double mastectomy be enough?

I miss her. I miss her breasts.

Why does she have to start hormones, too?

Why is she doing this to me when she knows how much I hate men!?

I support her-him, I mean-in this. But won't testosterone make her a violent asshole?

I love him and support him. But the thought of him getting hairy scares me!

Won't he smell different? And his pee stinks. Yuck.

But what about the lesbian community? I can't give that up!

I can't be a femme without a butch

And that's not all. But every one of those statements I've read or heard somewhere. In a nutshell, it all boils down to one thing: What about me??? What about you, honey? Not a damned thing, because his transitioning ain't about you, not one wee iota. Why can't people understand that? The one mantra that I preached throughout this whole thing was that it was not about me. He was going to transition, with or without me, whether I liked it or not. I understood that, and I wanted it to be with me because I wanted to see him happy. I wanted to see him alive. I loved him. Not the fact that he was a butch dyke to the world when we met. Because he was always he to me.

Go far from me if you want a sympathetic ear about how much you miss your girlfriend. Disappear from my view if you want me to bemoan the loss of breast tissue. Get thee behind me if you firmly believe that testosterone will turn your partner into a raging dick head because that's what all the "wimmin" at the center or on your support group email list are telling you that they've heard. I will not weep and wail in despair over the passing of my lover, womyn and friend. Because that didn't happen, you see. The person that transitions always saw himself internally as male, almost without exception. And whether he says so or not, the very reasons a lesbian partner would lament are the same reasons that he would rejoice.
Your SOFFA Voice. All rights reserved.
Comments and questions to